Instead, I want my many fans to know that this will have no effect on my public career. I am far more than just a thing on top of the Governor's head. I am an enormous, mesmerizing presence. Whether I am styled in the master bath of the Governor's mansion, or hastily re-jiggered in the locker room at the South Side YMCA, I will continue to impress and delight citizens of all ages and levels of intelligence.
Besides, my person is only barred from holding public office in Illinois. The last I checked, there are 49 other states just begging for hair of my stature to lend an air of thoughtfulness, seriousness, and dead sexiness to their capitols.
In the meantime, I cam accepting donations of styling products. Just mail them to the state capitol. I'm sure the Post Office will be forwarding all my mail.
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